I really struggled when I was much younger and less experienced in my walk with Christ with the idea of being saved. You know that moment when all things became clear and God called you out of the miry clay and you were born again. I had heard over and over again friends tell me in such detail their new birth in Christ. Quite similarly I have also struggled with stories in scripture where God himself spoke audibly to Moses, Peter, Saul, and so on. Why did I struggle?
Because to this day I have not had an emotional transformation or damascus road experience with God. I didn’t have a moment where God called me out of the miry clay. This feeling was traumatic because at the depths of who I was I felt that I had done something wrong and God was not happy with who I was and what I was doing with my life, or more to the point I felt God was not happy with what I wasn’t doing.
I felt God’s love slipping away.
For a teenager this is no small matter, but life altering and life ending I am sure it seemed at the moment.
Fast forward 15-20 years later….
I still have not received a Damascus Road experience and have not heard the voice of God pull me out of the pit. I have struggled with life and all its forms and situations that I have experienced. My faith has been tested daily, and sometimes each seconds that goes by I struggle more and more with this life that I feel compelled to live. That is a disturbing place to be, but God is not the blame for that. We want to blame God is somebody, but in truth it is just one of those things that just “is”.
I love what the Psalmist says in today’s passage. “My souls clings to the Lord my God.”
When I think of the word cling I can’t help but think about white knuckles, someone that is so desperately hanging on to God in all matters of life and is eagerly anticipating God’s mercy, love, and grace. The truth of the matter is that we are always in a place of somewhere in between “Thank you Lord and Help Me Jesus”, life in all its forms is trying and hard, but and this is a big but, but God is always by our side.
Yes, I haven’t had a moment where God called me out of the miry clay and into the light, I have had tons of moments along the way. This journey as we call it from time to time is just that. It’s a journey and in it there are mountain tops and there are valleys, but we have to have the valleys to be thankful for the mountain top.
Overall this what I think: No what happens, I will cling to you O my God and my Savior.
Amen.